at the cafe

(1) two parties out of the two parties who have sat down next  have talked about living in DC
(2) this weekend i'm going to dc; i only update when i'm going on or have just gone back from a trip; that way it looks like i'm always traveling when in fact i'm not, at least not always-always
(3) the email exchange with one of the ex's just (finally) turned semi-sour
(4) i often sit hunched over, such bad back posture
(5) this weekend, today, was snafu-ish; but the day was spent in a living room that looks out onto the first foggy, later sunny bay
(6) i guess you can't ask for more

new york city was small and quiet, unusually.
i came back from the trip to find a package from rory, very unusually.

my notebooks from the europe trip years ago.
i remember wanting them back so badly after we broke up.
too happy to have them now
though, not too eager to read them through yet.
it's always a little freakish to read what i was like, even if years ago, especially if years ago.
haven't forgiven myself, or haven't learned enough about myself.

--

there's so much ahead
don't know how i'll wrap my head around it all
coming back from the nyc meetings always leave me this way
wanting so much more
of myself
of life
of the universe




the feeling of possibility
is marvelously emptying.

the toes want stretching
the belly wants soothing
i think i met too many people tonight



congrats to those who are engaged
and to those who are awarded and doubly awarded

i'm home.
i'm anew.
it's going to be great from here on, kid!